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Recently, I have had the feeling that I am walking though life habitually; my eyes do not always see the people and things around me. Even in this new, wonderful city where there is so much to look at, I am often moving at such a fast pace that I stop observing details. I am looking ahead of myself to the next destination, trying to find a way around all the people, rather than in the present moment. Or I avert my eyes from the things that are difficult to look at or that trouble me.
And my ears, even musician’s ears that are supposed to be tuned to sound, are not always receptive to things of beauty and simplicity. I’m aware of the sirens and car alarms but what about the sounds that are so soft or fragile that you can only hear them if you take the time to stop and listen. I feel as if my eyes and ears are in need of a recalibration; the range of my seeing and hearing needs to be expanded. I cannot live on the surface. I am called to look and listen for what is true, what is beautiful, and what is of lasting and enduring value.
So, this morning while walking to the subway station in the sleet, I prayed that God would help to open my eyes and unstop my ears. I asked that I would see the places where Jesus is appearing in my world – breaking through the habits and fast-paced routine, through my cynicism and jadedness, through the common and ordinary parts of life. I am going to try to cultivate a spirit of openness and awareness; not exactly sure how to do this but perhaps prayer is the start. And I’ll try to share these insights in some regular way on the blog. I feel as if I need a spiritual discipline for the season and this might be a format in which to share what am seeing and hearing.
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It’s now about 2 hours after worship has ended and I’m a bit tired from holding things together this morning. Bad weather, a small choir due to holiday travel and sickness (though they sang well), and just have had this wonky, strange feeling accompanied by a mild headache. But sitting in my office, I hear our custodian from Guyana whistling Christmas carols in leisurely, slightly out-of-tune style down the hall. I find myself smiling and chuckling to myself as he transitions from Jingle Bells to Long Time Ago in Bethlehem to The Twelve Days of Christmas.
I think he’s my Advent moment today. In his whistling I hear Jesus inviting me into the sort of relaxation and ease that I really need a dose of right now: “Come, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Sing what comes to mind; it doesn’t have to be profound and it doesn’t have to be perfect. Whistle what makes your heart glad. Linger over the notes and phrases that you love and just be in the moment…at rest, at peace.”
Jesus, you whistle a simple tune
that catches my ear,
that lifts my spirits,
and invites to me to celebrate Advent anew.
May I hear and respond with gratitude,
knowing that you walk with me this season
and through all of my days.
Spirit of the Living God,
be the Gardener of my soul.
For so long I have waited, quiet and still -
experiencing a winter of the soul.
But now, in the strong name of Jesus I dare to ask:
Clear away the dead growth of the past.
Break up the hard clods of custom and routine.
Stir in the rich compost of vision and challenge.
Bury deep in my heart the implanted Word.
Cultivate and water and tend my heart
until new life buds and opens and flowers. Amen.
- Richard Foster, from Prayers of the Heart
The past few weeks have been relatively quiet for me. I feel like there hasn’t been much to blog about. But tonight I found myself re-reading a small journal that I kept during college and was reminded of this beautiful prayer.
As we near the end of winter and prepare for spring, it helps me to remember that God is always at work beneath the surface, in hidden and mysterious ways. No part of us is hidden from the Gardener, even the cold and barren places in our hearts that may feel far from light and love.
And I find comfort that Jesus is not just content to be our Savior and Sovereign (significant as these names may be, they both feel distant and formal) but also wants to care for our souls. He is willing to get his hands dirty to help us become the whole and fruitful people that we were created to be.
