looking and listening for Jesus

Recently, I have had the feeling that I am walking though life habitually; my eyes do not always see the people and things around me.  Even in this new, wonderful city where there is so much to look at, I am often moving at such a fast pace that I stop observing details.  I am looking ahead of myself to the next destination, trying to find a way around all the people, rather than in the present moment.  Or I avert my eyes from the things that are difficult to look at or that trouble me.

And my ears, even musician’s ears that are supposed to be tuned to sound, are not always receptive to things of beauty and simplicity.  I’m aware of the sirens and car alarms but what about the sounds that are so soft or fragile that you can only hear them if you take the time to stop and listen.  I feel as if my eyes and ears are in need of a recalibration; the range of my seeing and hearing needs to be expanded.  I cannot live on the surface.  I am called to look and listen for what is true, what is beautiful, and what is of lasting and enduring value.

So, this morning while walking to the subway station in the sleet, I prayed that God would help to open my eyes and unstop my ears.  I asked that I would see the places where Jesus is appearing in my world – breaking through the habits and fast-paced routine, through my cynicism and jadedness, through the common and ordinary parts of life.  I am going to try to cultivate a spirit of openness and awareness; not exactly sure how to do this but perhaps prayer is the start.  And I’ll try to share these insights in some regular way on the blog.  I feel as if I need a spiritual discipline for the season and this might be a format in which to share what am seeing and hearing.

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It’s now about 2 hours after worship has ended and I’m a bit tired from holding things together this morning.  Bad weather, a small choir due to holiday travel and sickness (though they sang well), and just have had this wonky, strange feeling accompanied by a mild headache.  But sitting in my office, I hear our custodian from Guyana whistling Christmas carols in leisurely, slightly out-of-tune style down the hall.  I find myself smiling and chuckling to myself as he transitions from Jingle Bells to Long Time Ago in Bethlehem to The Twelve Days of Christmas.

I think he’s my Advent moment today.  In his whistling I hear Jesus inviting me into the sort of relaxation and ease that I really need a dose of right now:  “Come, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.  Sing what comes to mind; it doesn’t have to be profound and it doesn’t have to be perfect.   Whistle what makes your heart glad.  Linger over the notes and phrases that you love and just be in the moment…at rest, at peace.”

Jesus, you whistle a simple tune
that catches my ear,
that lifts my spirits,
and invites to me to celebrate Advent anew.
May I hear and respond with gratitude,
knowing that you walk with me this season
and through all of my days.

prayers of affirmation

One of the gifts of living in New York City is that I have been able to get around without a car.  I may be wanting it back when the temperature dips below-freezing (talk to me in January) but it is such a great feeling to leave the house in the morning, walk around the corner and catch a bus that takes me two blocks from work.  Or if the weather is good and I’m feeling motivated, I can take a slightly longer trek 6 blocks south and 3 avenues east to catch an express train that also drops me off two blocks from work.

I have found that this commuting time, especially on the bus, really helps to get me centered for the day.  I can sit back and let someone else worry about the traffic while I order my thoughts, pray or simply watch the world go by.  Over the past few weeks I have been reading poetry.  Two books that have proved mainstays are A Book of Psalms translated by Stephen Mitchell, and The Stream and the Sapphire, a collection of poems on religious themes by Denise Levertov.  I usually choose one piece which I read over and over again throughout the ride, letting the words and images deepen; sometimes I try to memorize it.  It’s sort of like lectio divina except the text is not always from the Bible.

Though I’ve only been here for six months, it has been a particularly intense time.  With all of the major changes and adjustments, these moments on the bus give me a simple, tangible way to affirm that God is with me, that God loves me, and that success is not necessarily measured by doing more work or pushing myself harder.  It is so easy for me to forget this, and when I do, I find myself scattered and distracted, fragmented and stretched in far too many directions. But when I take the time to come back to my center, to savor and memorize words that affirm who I am and whose I am, I gain a fresh perspective.  I find myself able to breathe more deeply and to feel at home in my body.  I often feel a deep sense of joy and peace.  And I would like to hope that this time helps me to be more focused and whole in my life and in my ministry in the church.

Psalm 16
Unnamable God, I feel you
with me at every moment.
You are my food, my drink,
my sunlight, and the air I breathe.
You are the ground I have built on
and the beauty that rejoices my heart.
I give thanks to you at all times
for lifting me from confusion,
for teaching me in the dark
and showing me the path of life.
I have come to the center of the universe;
I rest in your perfect love.
In your presence there is fullness of joy
and blessedness forever and ever.

- from A Book of Psalms, selected and adapted from the Hebrew by Stephen Mitchell

The Avowal
As swimmers dare
to lie face to the sky
and water bears them,
as hawks rest upon air
and air sustains them,
so would I learn to attain
freefall, and float
into Creator Spirit’s deep embrace,
knowing no effort earns
that all-surrounding grace.

- from The Stream and the Sapphire by Denise Levertov