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Tonight I head to Germany for 10 much-needed days of rest. I always find that there are so many little details to take care of before I head somewhere, but I’ve done what I can do and it’s time to go! I’m taking a few things with me and if I’m inspired, I’ll blog while I’m away. The first is the book The Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Towards an Undivided Life by Parker Palmer. I recently read his book Let Your Life Speak and was so happy that a friend thought to give me The Hidden Wholeness for Christmas.
I’m also taking along the poems of Rabindranath Tagore. Last night I had a lovely dinner with a friend and she introduced me to one of his collections, Gitanjali. The imagery in them is so rich and sensual; and they are full of illusions to music and worship. They have captured my imagination. I’m going to post one below and you can also find the entire set of poems here. I’m not sure how great the translation is, but take a peek and let me know what you think. Have a Happy New Year and perhaps I’ll have the opportunity to write from Berlin.
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When the heart is hard and parched up, come upon me with a shower of mercy.
When grace is lost from life, come with a burst of song.
When tumultuous work raises its din on all sides shutting me out from beyond, come to me, my lord of silence, with thy peace and rest.
When my beggarly heart sits crouched, shut up in a corner, break open the door, my king, and come with the ceremony of a king.
When desire blinds the mind with delusion and dust, O thou holy one, thou wakeful, come with thy light and thy thunder.
My heart is very full today. I am struck by just how many places I see God-with-us; by the marvelous ways that God becomes real in our lives again.
- Through the beautiful face of a friend’s new baby and their growing family.
- Through the amazing expressions of care and love that have been shown to my pastor’s wife, Linda, who was diagnosed with breast cancer and underwent major surgery almost 2 weeks ago. They keep a journal on the caringbridge.org website and the guestbook is an equivalent to caffeine! It is uplifting, hopeful and addicting to read! Out of pain and life-altering changes, God is present in the expressions of support that have been generously given by friends and strangers. We are all grateful for her slow recovery.
- In the beauty of the choral piece, “O magnum mysterium” set by Morten Lauridsen. I heard it in the car the other day and sat in the parking lot until it was over, moved to tears by this extraordinary setting. It gives voice to the the sublime beauty and humility that are so much a part of this season.
O magnum mysterium et admirabile sacramentum,
ut animalia viderent Dominum natum, jacentem in praesepio!
O great mystery and wonderful sacrament,
that animals should see the new-born Lord lying in a manger!
There is so much more that I wish I could say but I’ll leave a poet with the last word. This is one of my favorite Christmas hymns (it’s also arranged as a choral anthem) by Carl Schalk and Jaroslav Vajda, one of the church’s great hymnwriting teams. Have a Merry Christmas!
Before the marvel of this night
Adoring, fold your wings and bow,
Then tear the sky apart with light
And with your news the world endow.
Proclaim the birth of Christ and peace,
That fear and death and sorrow cease:
Sing peace, sing peace, sing gift of peace!
Awake the sleeping world with song,
This is the day our God has made.
Assemble here, celestial throng,
In royal splendor come arrayed.
Give earth a glimpse of heav’nly bliss,
A teasing taste of what they miss:
Sing bliss, sing bliss, sing endless bliss!
The love that we have always known,
Our constant joy and endless light,
Now to the loveless world be shown,
Now break upon its deathly night.
Into one song compress the love
That rules our universe above:
Sing love, sing love, sing God is love!
This was a very busy weekend of music making. I was involved in two separate performances of the Vivaldi Gloria – one on period instruments with a small choir and informed by Baroque performance practice; the other in more typical fashion with string orchestra and large choir. The choir at Trinity also sang a poignant Advent cantata by Hugo Distler, a lesser-known German composer from the early 20th century.
I often myself conflicted about music for this season. Of course, there’s the fussiness that pastors and church musicians are sometimes accused of when we ask our congregation to sing out of the (usually small) Advent section of our hymnal. But I find it so difficult to jump over a time of waiting and ambiguity and directly into the warm, fuzzy glow of Christmas carols and holiday cheer. Maybe it’s on account of my own spiritual journey – having experienced moments in life where rays of hope pierced the darkness of doubt, fear and grief in my heart. And maybe it’s just this year in particular, which has been full of so much unexpected grief and loss.
***
Tonight I watched Federico Fellini’s film 8 1/2. It was so rich and fascinating that I had to watch it twice. The first time was with subtitles, letting the images and dialogue surprise and delight me. The second time I watched it with commentary offered by two film scholars and a personal acquaintance of Fellini. I rarely afford myself the luxury of watching anything twice and I consider myself a second-rate movie watcher in that I often miss extremely important symbols and ideas in films. But the second viewing was a spiritual experience.
This film is semi-autobiographical as it tells the story of a film director who has a producer, a cast, and a set for a new movie but has not been able to write a script. His creative energy is depleted, he is struggling with his faith, has several broken relationship and (as we see in some very surreal flashbacks) is still haunted by memories from his past. He is also painfully aware of the sorts of questions that critics and the public will ask about his work when it is finished. We get a picture of someone paralyzed by fear and perfectionism. In his mind, success or failure in life stem from a choice between a true, “pure” art (which is somehow separate from the brokenness) or finding personal wholeness (which he believes can only happen if he quits the whole film business and starts over again from the beginning).
In the course of the movie (especially the final 30 minutes or so) he finds a new level of clarity and honesty. Through his interaction with several characters, he becomes aware of his freedom and sees that the choice between a “pure” art and a “pure” life is a false one. The starting place for his art (and his wholeness) will come in allowing all of the parts of his being to dance together. At the very moment the movie ends it begins as the entire cast (his wife, his lovers, the actors, his mother and father, the Catholic cardinal, the prostitute) join hands and dance in a circle, accompanied by the music of a circus band. There isn’t a tidy bow put on the story; the brokenness, doubts and pains are still present. Perhaps his art and his life will never be extraordinary by others’ standards, but they will be more honest and deeply human because they speak to each other; they meet in the tragic/comic circus dance that is our lives.
I couldn’t have found a more wonderful film for the season. Advent asks us to take an honest look at this messy existence of ours. But, thankfully, we are not left there. The Incarnation shows us that God is willing to enter into this place with us; Christ’s birth, life, death and resurrection affirm the complexity and depth of our human stories. We do not need to live fearful and divided lives but are invited to a place of freedom and hope. It is a holy place – where all of our being is present to and held by a loving God who is calling us, not to greatness by others’ standards, but to lives that are more whole and more human.
